If I go out of my mind, I'll do it quietly, so as not to disturb you.

Q: How many doctors does it take to unscrew a light bulb? A: It depends... How much insurance does the light bulb have?

Programming is a race between Software Developers, trying to create better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe, trying to create better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

If you have amnesia and deja vu at the same time, you forget things over and over.

Sometimes I think I understand everything... then I regain consciousness.

The pessimist says the glass is half empty. The optimist says the glass is half full. The engineer says the glass is twice as big as it should be.

It was a bad day at the office. The computer broke down and we all had to do our own thinking.

At McDonalds, if you order just fries, do they say, "Would you like fries with that?"

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