I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case Heaven is run by the IRS.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane
They couldn't repair my brakes, so they made my horn louder.
Serving hot coffee on an aircraft causes turbulence.
Oops... Mental note: Get coffee colored shirts.
Life is too short for bad coffee.
Just bring me my coffee, and s-l-o-w-l-y back away.