Spaghetti benefit: You don't have to take your eyes off the book to pick about among it, it's all the same.

A good general rule with wine is to state that the bouquet is better than the taste, and vice versa.

Mona Lisa cocktail: two of them and you can't get that silly grin off your face.

Newfoundland dogs are good to save children from drowning, but you must have a pond of water handy and a child, or else there will be no profit in boarding a Newfoundland.

The ideal age for a boy to own a dog is between 45 and 50. By this time the boy ought to have attained full growth and, provided he is ever going to, ought to know more or less what he wants to make of himself in life.

If you want to cure your dog's bad breath, just pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or another.

Frank Muir

Dogs, like horses, are quadrupeds. That is to say, they have four rupeds, one at each corner, on which they walk.

Larry Reeb

They say the dog is man's best friend. I don't believe that. How many of your friends have you neutered?

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