Sponges grow in the ocean. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.

Fran Lebowitz

I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel.

Fran Lebowitz

The outdoors is what you must pass through to get from your apartment to a taxicab.

I mustn't go singling out names. One must not be a name-dropper, as Her Majesty remarked to me yesterday.

Lewis Grizzard

Money doesn't grow on trees, but if it did, somebody else would own the orchard.

The desire to take medicine is perhaps the greatest feature which distinguishes man from animals.

Henny Youngman

The secret of our long marriage: We take the time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight dinner, soft music, and dancing. She goes Tuesdays; I go Fridays.

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