Kin Hubbard

There is one advantage of being poor: a doctor will cure you faster.

Louis Rukeyser

Seventy-five percent of every stamp goes for postage.

Eugene Speicher

A portrait is a picture in which there is something wrong with the mouth.

Dave Barry

South Dakota is so underpopulated that merely by entering it you become a member of the state legislature.

Bill Vaughan

A statesman is any politician it's considered safe to name a school after.

Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be President, but they don't want them to become politicians in the process.

The best reason I can think of for not running for President of the United States is that you have to shave twice a day.

Dean Rusk

Give a member of Congress a junket and a copy machine and he thinks he is Secretary of State.

If Shaw and Einstein couldn't beat death, what chance have I got? Practically none.


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