The only thing I ever said to my parents when I was a teenager was, "Hang up, I got it."

Charles Dudley Warner

The thing generally raised on city land is taxes.

He's very superstitious; he thinks it's unlucky to walk under a black cat.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.

Dave Barry

English spelling is unusual because our language is a rich verbal tapestry woven together from the tongues of the Greeks, the Latins, the Angles, the Klaxtons, the Celtics, the 76ers, and many other ancient peoples, all of whom had drinking problems.

Jerome K. Jerome

English spelling would seem to have been designed chiefly as a disguise for pronunciation. It is a clever idea, calculated to check presumption on the part of the foreigner.

They spell it Vinci and pronounce it Vinchy; foreigners always spell better than they pronounce.

The amount of sleep required by the average person is about five minutes more.

Brendan Behan

There's no one, no one, loves you like yourself.

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.

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