How come it's a penny for your thoughts, but you have to put your two cents' worth in? Somebody's making a penny.
If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.
The longest five minutes in the world are the last five minutes of a lecture; the shortest five minutes are the last five minutes of an exam.
Juries scare me. I don't want to put my faith in people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Then the insurance man told me that the accident policy covered falling off the roof but not hitting the ground.
There is nothing wrong with the younger generation that becoming a taxpayer won't cure.
Death is a wonderful way of cutting down on your expenses.
Only a friend can become an enemy. A relative is one from the start.
When I was young I looked like Al Capone, but I lacked his compassion.
This is a book everyone can afford to be without.