Joe McCarroll

Some families have skeletons in the closet. With us the skeletons have the run of the house and we live in the closet.

Candidates should not attempt more than six of the Ten Commandments.

L. Ron Hubbard

The quickest way to make a million is to start your own religion.

H. L. Mencken

A jury is a group of twelve people, who, having lied to the judge about their hearing, health and business engagements, have failed to fool him.

John Ciardi

Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.

Delia Ephron

How to eat spinach like a child: Divide into piles. Rearrange again into piles. After five or six manuevers, sit back and say you are full.

Bob Hope

He was so crooked that when he died, they had to screw him into the ground.

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.

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