I'll always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said, "A truck!"
He's a perfectionist. If he was married to Raquel Welch, he'd expect her to cook.
Someday I hope to write a book where the royalties will pay for the copies I give away.
A married man with a family will do anything for money.
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.
Nobody ever went broke saving money.
Adolescence is that period in a kid's life when parents become more difficult.
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm seven I'll be over a hundred.
The main purpose of children's parties is to remind you that there are children worse than your own.
Don't worry about senility. When it hits you, you won't know it.