Every day I get up at the crack of noon.
Dear Editor: You have asked me to cut three lines from a five thousand word article. I have performed the necessary butchery. Here is the bleeding corpse.
The critics were very kind to our film. It was word of mouth that killed it.
I was a fantastic student until the age of ten, but then my mind began to wander.
We are going to have the best-educated American people in the world.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
My family was so poor the lady next door gave birth to me.
Don't gamble: Buy some good stock, hold it until it goes up, and then sell it. If it doesn't go up, don't buy it.
All my major works have been written in prison. I would recommend prison not only to aspiring writers but to aspiring politicians too.
Make the reader laugh and he will think you a trivial fellow, but bore him in the right way and your reputation is assured.