Bobby Mills

The first rule of comedy is never perform in a town where they still point at airplanes.

Fran Lebowitz

If thine enemy offend thee, give his child a drum.

I apologize for the lack of bloodshed on tonight's program. We shall try to do better next time.

Walt Disney, of course, has the best casting. If he doesn't like an actor he just tears him up.

Douglas Adams

I love deadlines. I love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

If my films make even one more person feel miserable, I'll feel I've done my job.

In Hollywood they almost made a great picture, but they caught it in time.

Fran Lebowitz

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.

Lesley White

If Woody Allen didn't exist then somebody would have knitted him.

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