Having smoking and non-smoking sections in the same room is like having urinating and non-urinating sections in a swimming pool.

A hypocrite pats you on the back in front of your face, and slaps you in the face behind your back.

Art Linkletter

Troubadours travelled from town to town. They didn't really sing too good, which is the main reason they kept going.

If one hears bad music, it is one's duty to drown it out by one's conversation.

Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.

Abe Lemons

I don't jog because when I die I want to be sick.

John Crosby

You can tell how bad a musical is by the number of times the chorus yells "horray."

American politicians will do anything for money; English politicians take the money and won't do anything.

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