When I tell a lie my palms get sweaty. When I tell the truth the people I'm talking about get sweaty.

I call my weekly salary my take-home pay because it's the only place I can afford to go with it.

He's one big guy. He has a ship tattooed on his chest -- actual size.

What an appetite! He'll eat anything that's standing still. He'll eat anything that's moving, too, only it takes him longer.

Youth can be a wonderful thing if you're young enough to enjoy it.

He's the cheapest man I've ever known; he still has the first dollar he ever borrowed.


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