Jay Leno

The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.

I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do any thing. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more.

G. K. Chesterton

Music with dinner is an insult both to the cook and the violinist.

The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other.

Doug Larson

The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it.

John Cage

I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of the old ones.

Gore Vidal

Today's public figures can no longer write their own speeches or books, and there is some evidence that they can't read them either.

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