Lily Tomlin

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles.

The prospect of a long day at the beach makes me panic. There is no harder work I can think of than taking myself off to somewhere pleasant, where I am forced to stay for hours and "have fun".

Joe Theisman

Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein.

Emo Philips

At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.

Alice James

One has a greater sense of intellectual degradation after an interview with a doctor than from any human experience.

I hate mankind, for I think myself one of the best of them, and I know how bad I am.

Alex Levin

The reason there is so little crime in Germany is that it's against the law.

The difference between literature and journalism is that journalism is unreadable and literature is not read.


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