Joey Adams

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

If living conditions don't stop improving in this country, we're going to run out of humble beginnings for our great men.

Dave Barry

What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.

David Letterman

There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read.

Joseph Stalin

A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.

Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

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