I've got the body of a 20-year-old . . . and is he gonna be p-o'd when he finds out what I did to it!
I feel that I've aged like a bottle of fine wine. Of course, my cork is a little loose.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to get the fireplace going?
In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
Give a person a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Internet and he won't bother you for weeks.
People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy, and they miss a lot of fun in life.
If nature meant us to touch our toes, it would have put them further up on our body.