Erma Bombeck

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Erma Bombeck

For years [my wedding ring] has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.

Make-believe colors the past with innocent distortion, and it swirls ahead of us in a thousand ways—in science, in politics, in every bold intention. It is part of our collective lives, entwining our past and our future...a particularly rewarding aspect of life itself.

If you really want to help the American theater, don’t be an actress, dahling. Be an audience.

Edward C. Banfield

A good professor is a bastard perverse enough to think what he thinks is important, not what government thinks is important.

Josephine Baker

Surely the day will come when color means nothing more than skin tone, when religion is seen uniquely as a way to speak one’s soul; when birth places have the weight of a throw of the dice and all men are born free, when understanding breeds love and brotherhood.

Bill Clinton got $12 million for his memoirs, Hillary Clinton got $8 million for hers. That's $20 million for two people who repeatedly testified under oath that they can't remember anything.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

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