The first purpose of alcohol is to make English your second language.
No medicine cures what happiness cannot.
No disguise can long hide love where it exists, or feign it where it is not.
I'm so old they canceled my blood type.
One who never asks either knows everything or nothing.
It's better to be functionally drunk than dysfunctionally sober.
The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.
Every country gets the circus it deserves. Spain gets bullfights. Italy gets the Catholic Church. America gets Hollywood.
We often forgive those who bore us, but we cannot forgive those who find us boring.
Children are a message we send to a time and place we'll never see.