Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the home.
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
Comedy is acting out optimism.
I am odd-looking. Sometimes I think I look like a Muppet.
People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy toook the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine.
I'm always relieved when someone delivers a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.