The truth is the one thing that nobody will believe.
The things most people want to know about are usually none of their business.
There are not enough competent people in the world to go around; somebody must get the incompetent lawyers and doctors.
Success covers a multitude of blunders.
A pessimist thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.
Patriotism is your conviction that your country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it.
Frogs have it easy. They eat what bugs them.
What does it mean when you make a mistake and nobody notices it?
It doesn't take many square meals to make a round middle.
It isn't the minutes at the table that add pounds. It's the seconds!