When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch up my x-rays.
If you don't take care of your body, where will you live?
I don't eat snails. I prefer fast food.
Never eat anything whose listed ingredients cover more than one-third of the package.
Where there's smoke, there's toast.
Everything I want is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
If it tastes good, it's trying to kill you.
My idea of heaven is a great big baked potato and someone to share it with.
The toughest part of being on a diet is shutting up about it.
I'm on a grapefruit diet. I eat everything but grapefruit.